My Facebook Coverage of the Election

I humbly offer this document to the robot historians of the future.

Nov. 3rd:

Tomorrow’s headline: Trump Stops Spreading, Starts Shredding.

Biden wins Vermont. I can keep eating Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream.

There is now Ring Camera footage of Nicole Malliotakis leaving a flaming paper bag of dog poop on Max Rose’s stoop.

Nov. 4th:

I just want to take this moment to declare victory for myself. If any of you got the better of me in tennis matches, or drinking contests, arguments, career machinations, walking fast, insult rap battles, thumb wars, breath holding, dance offs, pub trivia, corn hole, soap box derby, hula hoop, chili cook off, affection withholding, staring contests, etc, IT WAS A FRAUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have claimed for electoral college purposes the remote control and also the bag of chips.

Nov. 6:

Biden takes the lead in Pennsylvania. Trump is now scrapple.

Nov. 7:

In the spirit of reconciliation, I’m not going back to every argument I’ve had on Facebook and Twitter over the last six months and posting, “Ha, ha, ha, ha.”

Yes, Mark Meadows, you will hear about the Corona virus after the election.

In response to an article about two gentleman being arrested with a humvee full of fake ballots: Billy Bob, we need to keep a low profile when we deliver these fake allot-bays, so don’t drive the red Hummer. Let’s drive the metallic one. Can we go over the plan one more time? Let ink dry. Get Arby’s. Eat in car but be real careful. Drive Hummer to Philadelphia. Now this next part is where I’m a little confused…

From the office of Mark Meadows: Hey Guys, great party last night. Gladys your guacamole, as usual, was divine. Frank, hows that head? You were hilarious last night. Okay, this is a little awkward, but I know you guys will be understanding. So I’ve had Covid for about a week. I just didn’t want to bring down the party. Sorry about not wearing a mask but they really make my nose itch. Sorry about not telling any of yall. We wanted to keep it secret because it makes us look like we don’t know what we are doing. See you all at the Victory Party!!!!

Nov. 8:

Why concede when you are still fundraising?

Nov. 9:

Is the virus gaining a sense of humor through mutation?

Nov. 10:

On the subject of hoaxes, the virus is still a problem. It is not surprising people who could deny the existence and severity of a virus that has killed 240000 people, that their own dear leader caught, could deny the results of an election. SORE LOSERS. Bitter stupid racists marching around with assault rifles. DEPLORABLES!!!!!!!! Soviet Puppets! I can’t believe I’m madder now than before. You are earning every name that you complained about being called by the “left.” Biden has his arms open for you to rejoin democracy. The first step of your recovery is to acknowledge the election results. I’m not holding my breath, except when I pass mask-less morons on the sidewalk.

Nov. 11:

I don’t feel tardy.

Nov. 12:

Yes, Corey Lewandowski, you will be hearing about the virus after Nov. 3.

Nov. 13:

Congratulations, Georgia for coming to your senses and turning blue. May you serve as an example for the rest of the South. Enough votes have been counted for CNN to call the state for Biden.

Nov. 17:

In the comments field of a friend’s Facebook post: It’s not salsa. It’s okay to get information from New York.

Nov. 19:

Amateur hour continues. After the dancing poodles, we have Rudy Guiliani recreating scenes from My Cousin Vinnie. Followed by some plate spinning. We finish with cabinet member Ben Carson offering a cure for the Corona Virus with a cameo by the My Pillow CEO.

Republicans? You like democracy too, right?

I finally saw Marriage Story.

Nov. 21:

Eric, this is Don jr. I can’t hear you. Put down the video controller for a second. I’ve got some news. Remember how you aren’t supposed to pick up food off of other people’s plates and how we have to wear the boo boo thing on our faces? Good. Well, I caught the hoax. Fake stuff is coming out of my eyes and nose and butt and mouth. Stop crying. It’s okay. You know that thing Dad says to never say. Nope, not I’m sorry. The other one about never being wrong. Can you keep a secret? Don’t ever tell Dad this. We were wrong.

A few years back…

A few years back I roused my rotting carcass to write some poems. I’m looking at them now because I have some time and nowhere to go.   The poem that I am posting below was published in 2015 on a website that was defunct by 2017 or so. Of course, I am grateful to have been in the journal and that the editors and readers of Here/There Poety read and liked the poem enough to choose it. The poem is definitely an artifact from before times. I can tell because it is about riding the subway, something that I haven’t done for a little over three months.

“For Smith and Ninth…”
(A service announcement on the F-line, heard approximately from 2010-2012)

Some conductors swing it,
Flattening the vowels on the heavy beat
And snapping short the consonants.
Some of them mumble
Like it’s too much to give
Their voices to all these strangers. 
The one today has got no rhythm,
Syllables held too long and given up too easily.
None of the notes hitting lucky,
Each remaining off-key in a key-less song.
In the absence of art, I think I know him.
I hear his too earnest song to women,
His stubbornness in singing it,
Until one, to his amazement,
Puts her hand on his shoulder 
And corrects with silence.
Maybe a woman like the one standing above me.
She wants to join with summer
By being alluring. 
I see her in front of morning’s mirror
Evaluating herself, using her hand to smooth
The tremors of doubt in the flat field
Between her hips. 
This is all I know
Of these strangers in a train full of strangers.
It is almost more than I can bear.

More than usual…

More than usual, I don’t know what the next thing will be. Today, I had beers with friends behind my apartment building. We sat in chairs a little more than six feet apart. It was the first time that I had spent time with anyone other than my family in over two months. I enjoyed it but the first moments were frightening. Here’s a story from before times:

https://louisville.edu/miraclemonocle/issue-14/jason-primm

Two Poems from Last Year

Here are two poems. One is a poem about disliking poetry. I think every poet must write those poems, sooner or later. It’s true on the odd days of the week I guess. And on the first day of a month. And when the joints of my body ache. Or when some stupidity plays out in front of me on the subway. And when it’s not true, I don’t spend my time talking about it.

Dodge-ball in Breakwater Review

This other poem is about trains and poetry and a junkyard.

Endings in Atticus Review

 

 

 

 

I am not my characters!!!!

I’m going to tattoo this on my backside. Or maybe I’ll have a character tattoo this on their backside. Spring is changing the world again. Bees are running amok and those attention hogs, flowers, are waving in the breeze saying look at me, look at me. Oh, and I have two stories out this season, one on-line and one print journal.

Click the link below for a story, Teeth, in Frigg Magazine. It’s got dentists and sharks and massage parlors and a giant neon shrimp.

Teeth in Frigg Magazine

Clink the link below to read, A Day at the Beach. It has margaritas and a sea monster in it.

A Day at the Beach in Zone 3

 

 

Another Quickly Jotted Coffee Shop Poem- Lark on Church Ave

9:12 am, 11-3 at Lark, Church Avenue

The time was 9:11
but I wouldn’t type that
(still) so the lyrical
universe lurched
forward a minute.
No one knows
anything unless
we tell on ourselves.
There were only a few
bagels in the basket.
From yesterday.
I ordered the cinnamon
raisin with butter.
The bagel for people
who don’t know better.
What if nothing ever
happens to me again?
In the extra room,
there’s a toddler music
thing happening,
tambourines and drums
and chanting. A riot
(You are My Sunshine My Only)
of happiness and a room full
of gleeful emperors.

Some Quickly Jotted Poems at a Few Brooklyn Coffee Shops

I’m only accepting anti-laurels now. Hardly.

 

Parade Coffee on Caton Ave, 9-30-17

 

A poet                  saying goodbye            to poetry
has to write           a poem                    and then there’s
the paperwork           Tomorrow                  thirty years
from now                when I’m gulping          the air
and the names           the simple things         floating around me
it won’t be            the neglect               reserved
for genius              My poems                  will be the chore
of the super            Parsed                    by the furnace
turned smoke           Is it defiance            To keep on
making them             say No                   Do I fail
because I want          to succeed                I should write
the smallest           Poem I can                Something
too small               to say No to              and revise it
with sharp              knife                     the oblivion
a shiny flake           of your lava              I’ve kept
all these years        a souvenir                in my sock drawer
spat up                 by the fire goddess       from Earth’s seam
syllable edge           shaved by half            and folded in two

submitted in triplicate

stamped Approved with the waxen seal of the Drunk Ambassador of Poetry

-they played the song from Portlandia.

 

 

Uptown Coffee, Seventh Ave, 10-12-17

 

Sweating in fancy clothes
from walking my kid to school
the hot coffee isn’t helping.
Tempted to pat myself dry
with the napkins. Don’t
look I’m repulsive and have
been for at least a decade.
It doesn’t matter. I’m
the only one that has to
endure this body. It looms
over no one. Nobody
has to pretend anything
to keep my feelings from
being hurt. Except for
myself in the mirror
when I shave. Squinting.
Maybe it was better at
the old place where there
wasn’t an outlet and
I felt my face until it
was smooth.

 

 

Steeplechase, Fort Hamilton Parkway 10-15

 

This is the closest
one and I’d write
here more often
but there are small
wooden signs
forbidding laptops
on all the best
tables. The other
notable feature
is that napkins
are distributed
from a roll and
cut to the exact
size you need.
I got a pecan
sticky bun and
had to go back
three times.
I started going
to coffee shops
in college.
Back then, I loved
the shop more than
the brew.
The attraction
was wasting time
with a book
in a place where
my friends might
by chance distract
me from myself.
I thought myself
a writer then
but all I did
was read.
Now I need
the coffee as much
as the shop.

– they played The Old Crow Medicine Show

 

Return to Uptown Coffee, 10-27

 

The chorus of the song
is Guilty as Charged.
Music like a dangly
ear ring, heavy
and shining.
I don’t hear enough
to know what she did.
Claimed love, squandered
love, rebuked love.
It’s just an edgy pop
song. No real cowardice
revealed. Nothing
unsettling, just that
the night is long
and everyone surrenders.